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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22933507">We are not two we are one</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Late_to_the_sexy_party/pseuds/Late_to_the_sexy_party'>Late_to_the_sexy_party</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>My Mad Fat Diary</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 07:27:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,061</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22933507</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Late_to_the_sexy_party/pseuds/Late_to_the_sexy_party</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rae and Finn listen to music on a Saturday afternoon.  Rae asks Finn about his scar. Takes place months after S2, but before S3.</p><p>Also posted to tumbler with minor, final edits here.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rae Earl &amp; Finn Nelson, Rae Earl/Finn Nelson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>We are not two we are one</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thank you @madfatty, you generous soul, for your kind encouragement, thoughtful edits and usherance through the mystical AO3 gateway.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Two hours into playing records that Saturday afternoon, Rae and Finn lay on top of his bed, over the covers, flannel shoulder to flannel shoulder, while Finn traced coiling swirls onto Rae's palm. Finn loved these music-filled hours next to Rae, knowing there was nothing they’d rather be doing with their clothes on and that there was truly nothing better than what they’d be doing later with their clothes off. His mind wandered freely. He was starting to understand that he was an observer of people and could see the things they hid from the world; he needed these times to put everything together, to arrange things as he saw them.</p><p>He was lost in his thoughts and the tunes and the sudden mental flashes of Rae's bare flesh; her nipple at the edge of his lips, the arch of her neck when she told him not to stop, each of which sent electric jolts straight to his groin. It was all strange and beautiful and satisfying on many levels, none of which he felt capable of explaining in words. He nestled closer to Rae, whose warmth drew him in like the sun.</p><p>Rae was banging on in her own head, trying to get comfortable with feeling this good, with being enough for someone, with being more than enough. She was a little extra in pretty much every way, but Finn seemed like a cat who just wanted to be near her all the time. And by cat, she meant sexy unicorn. When he said she was perfect, what did he mean? Perfect like Chloe’s breasts? Certainly not. Maybe perfect the way her silly bathrobe was perfect? Did he mean she was comfortable and exactly the right fit, cute and well-loved but weird and loud and wrong, and--if so--was that pathetic or was it amazing? She wrinkled her nose and arranged her whole face into a question mark.</p><p>Strangers by the Kinks was playing now. Rae had turned Finn onto them, though once in a while he pretended it was the other way around. She appreciated the way he respected her mind and loved her taste, laughing to herself at her unintended pun. He also LOVED her taste. Her eyes rolled back in her head as she pictured a scene two days prior and Finn's head squarely between her thighs. As her senses returned, she sang along with the chorus, "...strangers on this road we are on, but we are not two we are one."</p><p>Still singing, Rae propped herself on her elbow and ran her fingers through Finn's hair, loving that he was hers for the handling. She traced his champion eyebrows, which often spoke more freely to her than his mouth. Finn instinctively closed his eyes so she could trace his eyelashes, as she always did. By the time she reached the top of his right cheekbone, her singing had trailed off. Her finger paused here as she decided whether to continue. She felt some unspoken permission, so she did, tracing her finger slowly and deliberately down the long scar on Finn’s cheek and then slowly back up again, so there could be no mistake.</p><p>Finn looked over at his toes, "Guess you're not the only one with scars," he said quietly.</p><p>"Howdya get it?" Rae asked, just above a whisper.</p><p>Finn let out a long exhale as he realized that he was going to tell her. He licked his lips and tapped his tongue against the roof of his mouth, making a couple of clicking sounds. Rae considered letting him off the hook, but with this gearing up ritual underway, she waited. He let out one more long breath through his loosened lips, "So when I were about 6, I guess my parents was arguing...I think my Nan were there too...anyway, my mum threw a bottle at my dad--"</p><p> "And it hit you instead!" Rae's eyes were wide and glassy.</p><p>"No," he corrected her, "but it sorta smashed up on a cabinet and a piece came flying at me. I think it were really scary for everyone, like a lot of blood and rushing to hospital, but I don't actually remember any of it." He sucked in the right side of his mouth and bit the inside of his lip. "Apparently that's when my mum realized that...I guess that she couldn't be a mum."</p><p>"So, that's when she left, was it?" </p><p>"Not right away, but before I were seven. It were for the best my dad says, because she didn't want to hurt me like that again." Rae held her tongue as she watched Finn thinking and eventually he continued, "Would've hurt less if she'd stayed, even if she'd thrown a million bottles at me." Finn wanted to play this off, to finish with a laugh, to say "whatever" or roll his eyes, but he didn't. He let the words lay there even though it felt like his guts were hanging out of his skin. That Rae was pressed up to his side as close as she could get made the confession bearable and he continued hesitantly, "Sometimes I...I feel like my dad forgets that I’ve grown up and I need a better explanation...but it's too hard or too late to ask...like it's frozen back there."</p><p>"I'm so sorry, Finn," Rae said, wanting to soothe all the pain that was surfacing. "But It's never too late to figure out the truth. I'm still discovering what a shit my dad was! And it is actually helping me make sense of things," she added, believing this even more as she said it out loud. "Promise you'll always talk to me about it? About her?"</p><p>Finn looked out the window with a distant but very sweet smile, "Yeah," he said, "I promise."</p><p>Rae smiled too, "Maybe your mum and my dad are meant to be together."</p><p>"No," Finn said, shaking his head slowly before raising his eyebrows and looking straight at her, "but we are, yeah?"</p><p>The intensity behind Finn’s eyes stunned Rae and made every part of her ache to crawl inside him; maybe she really could trust him.</p><p>As he brought his lips to hers, he pulled her even closer. The happiness and the sadness were all okay, because the promise of safety was so close he could almost taste it.</p>
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